Kill your darlings

The moment I received that feedback from a colleague regarding my project I felt extremely offended. Later I realized it was one of the most honest and selfless feedbacks I received in ages.

What to learn? Tell what you think — if it seems crappy, say it. Let’s give feedback without thinking of ourselves and be bold enough to acknowledge our ignorance.

What she meant was, kill your beliefs, rethink, start again and put everything upside down. When you are too obsessed with your idea, you might become blind for our own mistakes and misconceptions and overlook what’s in front of you. Begin again to look at the goal you are aiming for — are you still on the right track? I felt offended but what she wanted to say was, be brave enough to kill the project and begin again! The biggest failure would be to hold on to something that isn’t working.

We tend to take feedback from experts and the moment we do not feel like the most acknowledgeable person in the room, we remain silent. How often did I feel like not getting the red thread of a project or an idea but still did not question it or challenge the person? Not because I did not want to elevate the project or help someone else to level up. I kept my thoughts to myself just because I was afraid I just did not get the idea?! Maybe I was just not paying enough attention or I was not as familiar with the theory behind the idea.

BUT wouldn’t it be way more valuable for everyone if we would forget about ourselves and just ask? Let the person explain it again and let’s talk about our gut feelings. Most of the time, if it feels odd, it’s odd. In the end, there are only two outcomes possible: 1) after explaining it again, the idea becomes more clear to everyone and the presenting person found another way and maybe even a better way to explain it; 2) maybe your gut feeling was right and there wasn’t a red thread — the idea just wasn’t pitch-ready — now we get the change to create something next level. When you see it like this, you got nothing to lose.

Kill your darlings and present your projects and thoughts to people outside your business and work field. Their gut feeling is often the most valuable and unbiased feedback you can get.

Let us praise the unknowingness and ask the ones around us who are not involved in the project or even in our business context. What you will learn is: if you can explain an idea simple enough to everyone — that’s when you know you’re ready!

So let us all be bold enough to forget about ourselves and support each other with the most honest and kind feedback we can give and share our thoughts without sentencing our mind.

Feel free to share your ways of giving feedback to friends, colleagues, and people you just met? Have you remained silent just because you were afraid of a silly question — even if everyone says there ain't such thing?

credits: photo by Gabriel Izgi on Unsplash